starting up

Oh man, it has been tough weeks. We haven't had one normal school day since we started. The boys are constantly threatening each other. No lecture goes by without one of them threatening to kill one of the others. It culminated all on Thursday -again- when one of the boys threw a tin can in another's face. ...and blood was pouring from his eyebrow.... That was the day after one kicked another full in the face... You can understand I was quite shocked and I considered to instantly quit on several occasions. But no matter how mean they are to each other, they are children and in their hearts they are not all that evil. I'm happy I haven't given up yet because this week things have settled down and small miracles are happening. They are already making progress. It is amazing how quick that actually goes.

I have the feeling things are settling down for me too. I getting more routine in my life. ...and I needed that. Yesterday I all of a sudden realized again how uncertain my situation still is, but at least I had forgotten it for some time. I think from now on it will be easier to forget about work. So, I can start enjoying my free time. I've got plans. :-) It is not going to be like last year anymore. Last year I felt like I was just living here in Finland temporarily, because I had set my mind on moving to Sweden. No I decided to stay here in Finland. I don't want to start any new adventures. Still it is going to be challenging to start up my life here. At least I had the beautiful insight that I can allow myself to go back to the Netherlands, I don't need to be on the run anymore. This insight follows the insight I had about moving to Sweden, that I won't find any peace if I don't find it inside of me. If it will turn out to be more practical for me to go back to the Netherlands, I will. I allow myself to do so. Still, that would be to early. I haven't even started to make something out of my life here in Finland yet....