Monday, August 25, 2008

bv




A well-deserved weekend in Buena Vista. We had pancakes for dinner, breakfast and lunch, we swam, and chilled in the sauna. I made another meditation bench, played guitar, slept on the terrace above the veranda, and grilled chicken legs above a fire. Maija picked berries, picked berries and picked berries. The good life.

Also here signs of autumn: yellow leafs on the birches, water of the lake wasn't that nice and warm anymore, mushrooms all over the place, ...

starting up

Oh man, it has been tough weeks. We haven't had one normal school day since we started. The boys are constantly threatening each other. No lecture goes by without one of them threatening to kill one of the others. It culminated all on Thursday -again- when one of the boys threw a tin can in another's face. ...and blood was pouring from his eyebrow.... That was the day after one kicked another full in the face... You can understand I was quite shocked and I considered to instantly quit on several occasions. But no matter how mean they are to each other, they are children and in their hearts they are not all that evil. I'm happy I haven't given up yet because this week things have settled down and small miracles are happening. They are already making progress. It is amazing how quick that actually goes.

I have the feeling things are settling down for me too. I getting more routine in my life. ...and I needed that. Yesterday I all of a sudden realized again how uncertain my situation still is, but at least I had forgotten it for some time. I think from now on it will be easier to forget about work. So, I can start enjoying my free time. I've got plans. :-) It is not going to be like last year anymore. Last year I felt like I was just living here in Finland temporarily, because I had set my mind on moving to Sweden. No I decided to stay here in Finland. I don't want to start any new adventures. Still it is going to be challenging to start up my life here. At least I had the beautiful insight that I can allow myself to go back to the Netherlands, I don't need to be on the run anymore. This insight follows the insight I had about moving to Sweden, that I won't find any peace if I don't find it inside of me. If it will turn out to be more practical for me to go back to the Netherlands, I will. I allow myself to do so. Still, that would be to early. I haven't even started to make something out of my life here in Finland yet....

autumn

It is still a bit getting used to but autumn is coming. I wasn't fully prepared for it, it really comes as a surprise. In the Netherlands the first signs of autumn come some time in September. Here in Finland it is already now.

At the same time autumn comes as a relief. I have the feeling I can finally go out. I don't know, somehow in summer I have the feeling that there are so many people out there. I don't like to go where all the people are. Now they are inside there houses and I can carefully start exploring the forest again. I guess it suits my contemplating character. I'm not so fond of the summer heat either, let be of mosquitoes and horse flies.... I hope they freeze to death soon! :-)

So, it won't be long before the first ladies in fur coats and leather gloves pop up again.... Although I saw a guy in wintercoat and gloves in the middle of summer, when it was + 20 degrees. Hard to beat.....

Saturday, August 16, 2008

back to school

On Monday I went back to the school I used to work at to ask the rector if I could work there temporarily. ...so that I in the meanwhile can search for a job. I came at exactly the right time. The staff just had a meeting and concluded that there was one position still not filled. After a short talk it was settled that I would start the next day. ...the day school started again here in Finland.

It was a happy reunion. I was most of all happy to see 'my' kids again. ...whom I have missed....

It was quite a hard transition from basically being unemployed to working full-time, from having nothing to do (which sucks! Let me make that clear!) to working long days in this rather demanding environment. I'm working with children with ADHD.

On Thursday a boy stabbed me in the finger with a pen. Children have used violence against me before, and for me that is part of the deal, you know that it can happen, and I am usually not so much affected by it. In this case it was a serious blow. Right after the incident I was shaky and overwhelmed, that stopped at some point. But now after a few days I realize that it affected me more than I thought. I guess what really put me on edge was that the boy is a carrier of a 'highly infectious virus'. I talked to a nurse and she convinced me that the risk of infection was very little.

So, it was quite an intensive week....

Friday, August 8, 2008

phd

Ok, I just declined an OFFER to come and talk about a Phd position... Life's a bitch! It is a great opportunity and I really like the subject, but I have long ago decided that I don't -do not- want to become a researcher and I don't want to commit myself for four years to something that you cannot get off your mind before you finish it... Declining the offer does not make me less grateful. I'm grateful that I got this opportunity. I am happy that I made a choice that feels right. I feel less pathetic (read: honored) that I got this offer in the first place. Thank You!

meditation bench

We say we need to start meditating... We make ourselfs a meditation bench and start doing it...

cancer is a fungus

Could it be that simple?! ...that cancer in many cases can be succesfully treated with sodiumbicarbonate. ...baking soda.... Somehow, I wouldn't be surprised...

How do you think the multi-billion dollor/euro farmaceutical industry and the 'blessed herd' of physicians reacts to something like this?



http://www.cancerisafungus.com/

Sunday, August 3, 2008

wedding tomi & reetta



Tomi and Reetta's wedding. ...was awesome! :-) A very nice wedding. Mainly because of the relaxed and natural atmosphere. I guess they wanted it to be that way. Tomi even went to fix the dry toilet during the dinner. :-D

To me the wedding was a welcome variation in my lonely existence. I got to hang out with some nice people. But it is a bit freaky that this is already the fourth couple in Maija's circle of friends that got married. The pressure is rising.... :-)