hki

Dear reader..... :-P My dear imaginary reader..... :-/

Loneliness has changed places with aloneness. I liked it when I was on my way here. Being alone at Schiphol. Taking care of myself. Now I´m with Maija. You cannot call that being lonely. Alone. Although with Maija. Even in the Netherlands I felt alone. Sure, there were my friends and family, but they are living their lives and I am not an integrated part of their lives anymore. People are used to me coming and going.... I´m doing this by myself. Maija is also not coming with me to Sweden. She´ll join me later. Aloneness.

I already miss the Netherlands. Just being able to visit my family and friends, walking into an Albert Hein, getting a decent herring at the market, .... Yep, even the oranjegekte. I never feel like taking part in it, but I enjoy these people doing their thing. ...observing their behavior and emotions..... I like it. And it gives me a sense of ´home´. Taking a step back, just a small step, makes me appreciate these things so much.

So, I´m back in the apartment with the view on our old apartment. It feels like coming home in a place that is not home. ...or something..... We were driving towards our old apartment and then turning right just a few hundred meters away from the apartment. Yes. Yes. Yes...... Nope..... :-) Life´s a bitch.....

But God is playing tricks on me again. I just checked my e-mail for the first time after leaving my parents house, and while I was travelling my former colleagues here in Helsinki sent me an e-mail. ....after 3-4 months. Asking how I´m doing. That can´t be a coincidence..... So, I´m going to surprise them. Life is great! :-)