goodbye

Loneliness has already come. I'm already on the move. It has started. Plunging in a deep ocean. People have become used to me saying goodbye. I have been meeting my best friends once or twice every so many months. ...for the past years. That makes me a very bad friend. And I am sorry about that. Because you mean so much to me. I appreciate you so much. You have no idea. Still I have to do this. I have to pursue my dream. I have no choice. Staying here would be betrayal of self. There is just only one path laid out for me. ...and that path leads to Sweden. I don't have any f#*king idea where I'll end up. And that scares the shit out of me. But I have to do it. I'm creating my future. I am building. [ Getting a life perhaps! :-) ] I'm dreaming of an own place, being out in the forest, stillness, picking mushrooms, picking berries, hunting, fishing, having a satisfying job, making music, singing Christmas songs in a choir, playing guitar, playing cello, small sandertjes and maijaatjes, campfires, friends and family coming over, candle light, snow, wild animals, gardening, carving wood, making furniture, hiking, . . . I have never chosen the easy way. I am proud of that. Right now it's frightening.....