söderkullalandet

I know, this is the tenth post within a week. But hey, there´s a lot of stuff happening.

Of course, I have my doubts taking this big step. Immigration at haphazard. But in these moments I know I´m doing the right thing..... Barbecueing and sauna in the Sibbo archipelago... Take a dive in the sea.... Walking in the forest with my lover....



On the boat to the island
Walking around the island
:-)

into the wild ii

This summers anthem.......

hki

Dear reader..... :-P My dear imaginary reader..... :-/

Loneliness has changed places with aloneness. I liked it when I was on my way here. Being alone at Schiphol. Taking care of myself. Now I´m with Maija. You cannot call that being lonely. Alone. Although with Maija. Even in the Netherlands I felt alone. Sure, there were my friends and family, but they are living their lives and I am not an integrated part of their lives anymore. People are used to me coming and going.... I´m doing this by myself. Maija is also not coming with me to Sweden. She´ll join me later. Aloneness.

I already miss the Netherlands. Just being able to visit my family and friends, walking into an Albert Hein, getting a decent herring at the market, .... Yep, even the oranjegekte. I never feel like taking part in it, but I enjoy these people doing their thing. ...observing their behavior and emotions..... I like it. And it gives me a sense of ´home´. Taking a step back, just a small step, makes me appreciate these things so much.

So, I´m back in the apartment with the view on our old apartment. It feels like coming home in a place that is not home. ...or something..... We were driving towards our old apartment and then turning right just a few hundred meters away from the apartment. Yes. Yes. Yes...... Nope..... :-) Life´s a bitch.....

But God is playing tricks on me again. I just checked my e-mail for the first time after leaving my parents house, and while I was travelling my former colleagues here in Helsinki sent me an e-mail. ....after 3-4 months. Asking how I´m doing. That can´t be a coincidence..... So, I´m going to surprise them. Life is great! :-)

goodbye

Loneliness has already come. I'm already on the move. It has started. Plunging in a deep ocean. People have become used to me saying goodbye. I have been meeting my best friends once or twice every so many months. ...for the past years. That makes me a very bad friend. And I am sorry about that. Because you mean so much to me. I appreciate you so much. You have no idea. Still I have to do this. I have to pursue my dream. I have no choice. Staying here would be betrayal of self. There is just only one path laid out for me. ...and that path leads to Sweden. I don't have any f#*king idea where I'll end up. And that scares the shit out of me. But I have to do it. I'm creating my future. I am building. [ Getting a life perhaps! :-) ] I'm dreaming of an own place, being out in the forest, stillness, picking mushrooms, picking berries, hunting, fishing, having a satisfying job, making music, singing Christmas songs in a choir, playing guitar, playing cello, small sandertjes and maijaatjes, campfires, friends and family coming over, candle light, snow, wild animals, gardening, carving wood, making furniture, hiking, . . . I have never chosen the easy way. I am proud of that. Right now it's frightening.....

selektmail

Today I worked at SelektMail for the last time. It was a sad goodbye. For me at least. They constantly get new employees through the job agency. So, they're used to people coming and going. But it was sad because I really enjoyed working there. The people were so very friendly. The atmosphere was good. There was a little doggy running around. Grandma made soup from time to time. The children were often around. Just nice. Relaxed atmosphere. That always works really well for me. I would almost say, no matter what the nature of the work... I am grateful to have ended up there.

gemeente

Thursday... I reported my emigration at the municipality. "What will be your new address, Sir?" Dunno.... "In that case, can you give me the name of the city you are going to move to?" Nope..... Now the form said "Sweden". And that is quite correct. :-)

See ya!

assel

review

Reviewing the last weeks.... My intention was to stay here in Apeldoorn for a few weeks after the trip to New Zealand, to recharge the battery a bit. But things did not go as planned. First of all, living with your parents is not recharging any batteries. :-)

The thing was that I had a 'job opportunity' here in the Netherlands, in my 'field', and I wanted to grasp this opportunity. So, I went to the job interview.... I got good feedback on the interview but I had slightly to little specific knowledge on the subject. I could get some extra training, but I had said I wanted to work until September.... In principle the job offer was for May-August, but during the interview it appeared that it could very well be May-November.... They would have liked to invest in me when I would stay until November, but September was too short a period. That was of course a bit of a pity. But I had indeed already set my mind on Sweden. Then came another job opportunity at the same organisation. 1,5 weeks later the order for the work was withdrawn and the vacancy cancelled. In the mean time 3-4 weeks had passed. I decided to stick with my initial plan from now on. So, now I'm delivering mail for 2,5 weeks and then I'm off to Finland/Sweden.

In the meanwhile I can look back on some great moments here in the Netherlands: hanging out with Cazimir; dinners with Cazimir, José, Matilda and their housemates; diving with Guus; hanging with Guus; celebrating liberation day in Wageningen; camping and campfires with my nephew; being around when homie Mad-Ice is moving in to his new house; dinner with Mad-Ice and Valeri; Vicky's birthday party; chilling and walking in the forest with Hidde; 'sessions' with Hilkoda; Frank's birthday party; chilling with Frank, Lianne and Dajo; body pump and fitness at Sportinstituut 't Loo (great place, relaxed atmosphere, incredibly friendly people!); working at SelektMail (being outside [in Apeltown] friendly people, relaxed atmosphere); sleeping in the forest; enjoying dutch nature; family dinner; visiting my dentist and getting great feedback; skyping with Maija; .....

Thank you, people! I am going to miss you!

the news

Some random evening. Brother and girlfriend visiting my parents. Watching the news. Appreciate these moments. It will be many months......

the indian

"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a a gift to be enjoyed."

Thanks (again) for the inspiration, homie!

the pine marten

(http://www.natuurleuk.nl/wordpress/wp-content/images/sept07/boommarter1.jpg)

Yes! Pine marten, check! Yesterday was a great day. :-) I saw a pine marten (boommarter). It was just crossing the road. So, I haven't been really ferreting around for them. ;-) But anyway. I had a good view on it. Yesterday morning I was just thinking it was time for some new game species. I had been hiking and sleeping outside on Friday night / Saturday morning. I saw loads of game, but it's always the same old wild boar, roe deer, red deer, etc.... A wink from God. Thank you Lord! :-)

stench

I guess I now came to the point I should write this down. I have considered it for a long time. I mentioned in the first post of this blog that it can be therapeutic to write things down. (Nobody knows about this blog anyway....)

I sometimes wonder why I'm living the life I do. (Or other people comment on it....) But here is some background. It has been a terrible struggle, but I realize that I should be grateful for it because it brought me where I am. It made me look for something better. It made me love the outdoor life (fresh air) and brought me closer to nature. ...a place I like to reside.

What alternatives did I have when I was 12, 13, 14, 15, ... ? At the point of my life I had to make decisions about my future. What do you want to be when you grow up? No matter what job I would choose, I would be working in an environment that is harmfull for me. I was very sensetive to cigarette smoke, still am. And people were smoking ....everywhere............. Where do you go when you have nowhere to go?!
It is not a huge issue for me anymore. Times have changed. It is beautiful to see how fast things have changed. A few years ago -say 5- I could not have imagined that a basic thing like public transport would be smoke-free, let be a bar! Thank God! In a few weeks I'll be back in Sweden. In Sweden the rules on smoking are strict and I won't be bothered. Although, here in the Netherlands I am still confronted with it from time to time.........

into the wild

I read the book a few years ago. I saw the movie yesterday. The book wasn't that good. The movie was great. ....Sean..Penn..!... The movie ended with a photo that Chris had taken of himself in front of his bus, in Alaska, in the wild... a few weeks before he died out there. Such a beautiful picture. I don't know. It touched me deeply... I feel connected with him (the movie seems to touch a lot of people). A true hero, living the life at it's fullest, exploring and experiencing life consciously.

I am grafeful for the insights he gave me.