x-bash

Introduced this year: making a gingerbread house with the little homie.

big brothers

Enjoying the beautiful dutch landscape with my big brothers [technically an uncle (brother from another mother who happens to be my grandma) and the other is more of a smaller but taller brother... : ) ].

ありがとうございました
Arigatou gozaimashita

the work of byron katie

http://www.thework.com

believe in zero

egen paikka

Moved last week. Across the Vantaa river. Lots of cleaning, cleaning, packing, unpacking, hanging around in IKEA, stuffing yourself with köttbullar and chokladbollar (at IKEA), pizza 3 days in a row, ....

So, we have an own-place now. That's pretty chill. Seems to be a place where we could stay for some time. We went to check the place out some weeks ago and it looked quite ok. That was a big relief. Had expacted the worse. Finally an end to all the moving around.

ありがとうございました
Arigatou gozaimashita

freedom of speech

I'd like to give this a moment's thought. ...freedom of speech... I appreciate that I can say whatever the f*#k I want. Put it out on the Internet. I can just do that. That's great. That's freedom indeed. Those small things in life we tend to forget.

Arigatou gozaimasu

ありがとうございます

Aight. I'm out now. Don't wanna start drawing attention from the Feds. Check.

me and the kid

operation musashi

http://www.seashepherd.org/operation-musashi/

scars on broadway: kill each other / live forever

I am the one thats calling Inside of your brain,
I am the one That makes you feel all the shame,
Never mind my name!

We don't want to believe
That the world can still move on,
We don't want to believe
That the sun can still shine on.

If we're gonna kill each other,
How we gonna live forever?
If we're gonna live forever,
How we gonna kill each other?

[...]

I am the one that's calling inside of your brain.

fresh out da hood

Signed the contract for our new apartment today. Movin in in 2 weeks. Check.


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snow on my birthday

....is a good sign. God showing his presence. Thank You. We all wish for a decent winter up here. Il-lumi-nation. I'm looking forward to the stillness of the forest, sounds muted by the snow..... Ah.....

the plastic bag

Since this blog is my mouthpiece I might just as well give my opinion:

Producing plastic en massa and dumping them in our own surroundings is primitive. Shitting in your own nest. Nothing else. Most animals are a bit more sophisticated than that.

But I like to look at it from the bright side: Seems that people are getting aware of the problem. A lot of countries already put restrains on plastic bags. That's progress.

Personally I'd like to erase the damn thing from my life. There's a dilemma though. Waste-processing companies often expect you to put your trash in a trash bag. A solution might be the decomposable bag. In Finland you can get those in at the check-out in supermarkets nowadays. Getting rid of the plastic bag is all the more reason to recycle: The less stuff that ends up in the 'energy-waste' (=trash bag) the better. Thank God they're collecting paper, cardboard (incl. milk cartons), cans, glass, organic waste, hard plastics... nowadays! Progress.

plastic bags

The Dangers Of Plastic Bags

View SlideShare presentation or Upload your own. (tags: polution environment)

vihti

A Sunday afternoon grilling some sausages in the forest. Alone. Might be a good strategy to get through my birthday.

metsämessut

Checked the Finnish Forest Fare 2008. It was nothing compared to Elmia Wood. No hanging around in the forest watching the most bizarre harvesters at work, the always present sound of a huge-ass grinder taking care of 50-60-70-80-whatever diameter logs in a split second, lots of free stuff (food \m/ ), racing around on squads, .... None of that. But it was nice to take a look around anyway. And I pride myself for actually approaching people, opening my mouth and getting some phone numbers / business cards.

obama

First black president!

It is beautiful to see that so many Americans (notorious for being stupid) did this together!

"Out of many, we are One." Barack Obama

Promising.....

kuusijärvi

Lazin' on Sunday afternoon with Tomi, Reetta and the adopted Russian street-dog Poika (=boy). Saw some weird shit. Some chick dressed up as a bunny(?) selling pancakes and sausages(!).

And a sign telling you not to pour bits of paper in a drain that was nowhere to be seen in the middle of the forest. WTF?!

taika!

This beauty was born 2-3 weeks ago. Some 16-18 weeks too early. Her parents are my lover's brother and his girlfriend. At first her survival was very uncertain and that stressed everybody out, of course, but despite all the uncertainty and harshness surrounding her birth she slowly but steadily started shining her light into this world. The happiness about her arrival soon took over.

I was very lucky to get a chance to visit her only a few days after her birth. That was one of the most beautiful experiences in my life. I experienced one of those rare moments of total happiness, I couldn't do anything else than smile. ...widely.... A tiny little girl and very much alive.

recycling

My lover has become an expert in the scientific field of recycling. Recently she decided to share her knowledge with the youth. In this picture she is practicing. She is using highly-sophisticated instruction material to tricker the youngsters' attention. (Note the object close to her right hand!)

well-kept secret

Our pikku-kaveri, Aarni. He entered this world not much longer after a certain event.

appreciation

I've been telling people how intensive my job is etc. It is, and it has been a tough week. Again. Many times the last few months I got to the point that I just wanted to quit. Walk away from it all. You work hard for a crappy pay. Kids nag all the time. Being called names. Gotten kicked, bitten, slapped, stabbed.

And in the mean time it is easy to forget all the good things. I realized that some days ago. I love my job! I get so much out of it. I'm actually doing something useful. It is rewarding in itself to help people, to help some kids to get their lives going, help them stay out of -real- trouble. I get to speak Swedish. I am outside a lot. I'm developing myself, learning. Enjoy the company of my colleagues.

And then I'm only talking about my job. There is so much more to be thankful for. Being healthy, living in a 'safe' country, more than enough food to eat, a warm bed, clothes, books, a loving girlfriend, a damn bus card, forest, sea, nature, squirrels, a \m/ black \m/ guitar, ....and of course this beautiful hand-crafted longbow on her way to me.... : )

ありがとうございました

Arigatou gozaimashita

the perfect hide-out

Solitude. Loneliness. I've found the perfect hide-out. Helsinki, Finland. The anonymity of a 'big' city. Surrounded by people speaking an incomprehensible language.

I remember spending hours staring out of the window at the parking lot in front of the student flat in Wageningen. At that time I wrote 'Recluse', a poem / lyrics to a song which illustrates the feeling I sometimes have quite well.

falco spirit

Ordered this beauty. It will take a few weeks for her to arrive. Can't wait to hold her in my arms. ...and start shooting. At last...

ashtanga yoga

Did a three-session ashtanga yoga course last weekend. Which was pretty interesting. "Now move your attention to your behind." And you're standing there in a circle with 15 women concentrating on there ass! :-)

But yeah, it was a very informative experience. Learned quite some new stuff. I have now been doing hatha yoga in the mornings since January or so. Somehow I'm now ready to move on and start practicing yoga more seriously. The instructor mentioned that you don't need to stick to one style and that was a bit of an insight. I can do hatha yoga at home and ashtanga in a group. That would fit really well. Ashtanga is more dynamic, more like a group 'training'.

Was really out of balance for a whole week. Restless, even a bit anxious. Had to somehow find a new balance. Must have been effective.

"You are as young as your spine!"

1-3b

divine poetry

I'm still reading Conversations with God Book 3. I often come across something I really would like to share with other people. I actually started posting parts (and other insights, poems, works of art) here: http://syksynsyvyys.blogspot.com/, but you can't start copying a book to a blog.... With this part I'd like to make an exception. It's so beautiful. Truly divine poetry:

"See the flower as dying and you will see the flower sadly. Yet see the flower as part of a whole tree that is changing, and will soon bear fruit, and you see the flower's true beauty. When you understand that the blossoming and the falling away of the flower is a sign that the tree is ready to bear fruit, then you understand life."

"Always remember, you are not the flower, nor are you the fruit. You are the tree. And your roots are deep, embedded in Me. I am the soil from which you have sprung, and both your blossoms and your fruit will return to Me, creating more rich soil. Thus, live begets life, and cannot know death, ever."

stevia

We are powerfull beyond our imagination. To me this is just an other example they humans are truly capable of great things. If we only chose to do so. We have a choice. We found out that the hight amounts of sugar that we consume are harmless to our health. That was a great insight! There is a plant of which the "extracts, steviol glycosides, having up to 300 times the sweetness of sugar without any calories". We found a great solution to a severe problem.

Tell me why do we have to expose this great solution to endless scientific scrutiny while we in the meanwhile use artificial sweeteners that are not scientifically proven to be safe?! It is a matter of choice. Is it again the economic interests of a few and a 'blessed herd of scientists' that restrain us from growing to our fullest potential?

http://www.eustas.org/

ylläs

I managed to get away from work for a few days. Inari Ylläsjärvi from Ylläsjärvi (her very own father was born in a cabin in the wilderness and named after the lake) took us on a three-day trip in Finnish Lapland. That was pretty cool of course. The night train alone was already awsome. Reminded me of that first trip up north to Umeå. Those overwelming stretches of forest that pass by, on and on. There was a shower on the train which brought about an interesting new experience. : )

vesihiisi

A new record! The northern-most swimming pool I visited so far! In Rovaniemi to be precise. It was nice and cozy with all the good stuff: diving tower, diving boards, jacuzzi, sauna. They even had a water slide. Perfect swimming pool to have next door. But Vandkulturhuset in Copenhagen is still on top. ...of course. Will be hard for any swimming pool to beat a 100-meter circular salt water pool and monkeyhouse diving pool.... Too bad for all the suckers that build less-cool swimming pools. Suckurzzzzzz!!! : P

carl philip

Prince Carl Philip of Sweden is going to study forestry at SLU. Wonderful.

mushroom course

Took part in this years mushroom course again. Hoped to rehearse the very few I remember from last year, but I only got more confused. They all look the same to me. :-) I still think they're weird, mushrooms. They belong to some other world or something. Besides, it's a weird idea that you can actually die eating certain bastards....


Anyway: Mushroom-picking rocks!

plan b 3.0

Read some interesting stuff in today's newspaper. About Lester Brown and Rajendra Pachauri.

Lester Brown wrote about how we can 'save civilization'. It is basically a handbook, it sums up concrete measures that we (humanity) right now can start using. For example, we can save up to 25% of our electricity consumption by replacing the light bulbs in our homes with energy-saving ones. (Not that hard!) The book comprizes four goals: stabalizing the climate, stop population growth, eliminate poverty, and repare the worlds damaged ecosystem. If we fail to meet one of the goals we fail to meet the others as well. The result: ECONOMIC chaos.

What I found striking was that the cost of implementing this plan would be 1/6 of the worldwide military expenditure.... Saving the world for an amount of money 1/6 of the money we spend on weapons, fighting wars, killing each other, . . . Almost cynical....

http://www.earth-policy.org/

Mr. Pachauri suggests us all to eat less meat one measure to stop climate change. Nothing new of course, we all knew that already, right?! Right?! The thing is that Mr. Pachauri is chairman of the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. Maybe we'll have to start taking these things serious soon.

tusby

Arvid was in the exchange-student committee of SLU. He has been a trainee at Stora Enso here in Finland for six weeks. On Sunday he joined us to Tuusula / Tusby. We checked some painter dudes house (which was a pretty impressive, huge bastard of a log house), walked around a bit along the lake and had coffee at some Lotta Svärd driven café. Swastikas all over the place... (Guess Herr Adolph stole it from the Lottas, so at the time of the Winterwar swastikas still were pretty pc.) Jummie örfilar (cinnamon buns)!

bv

A well-deserved weekend in Buena Vista. We had pancakes for dinner, breakfast and lunch, we swam, and chilled in the sauna. I made another meditation bench, played guitar, slept on the terrace above the veranda, and grilled chicken legs above a fire. Maija picked berries, picked berries and picked berries. The good life.

Also here signs of autumn: yellow leafs on the birches, water of the lake wasn't that nice and warm anymore, mushrooms all over the place, ...

starting up

Oh man, it has been tough weeks. We haven't had one normal school day since we started. The boys are constantly threatening each other. No lecture goes by without one of them threatening to kill one of the others. It culminated all on Thursday -again- when one of the boys threw a tin can in another's face. ...and blood was pouring from his eyebrow.... That was the day after one kicked another full in the face... You can understand I was quite shocked and I considered to instantly quit on several occasions. But no matter how mean they are to each other, they are children and in their hearts they are not all that evil. I'm happy I haven't given up yet because this week things have settled down and small miracles are happening. They are already making progress. It is amazing how quick that actually goes.

I have the feeling things are settling down for me too. I getting more routine in my life. ...and I needed that. Yesterday I all of a sudden realized again how uncertain my situation still is, but at least I had forgotten it for some time. I think from now on it will be easier to forget about work. So, I can start enjoying my free time. I've got plans. :-) It is not going to be like last year anymore. Last year I felt like I was just living here in Finland temporarily, because I had set my mind on moving to Sweden. No I decided to stay here in Finland. I don't want to start any new adventures. Still it is going to be challenging to start up my life here. At least I had the beautiful insight that I can allow myself to go back to the Netherlands, I don't need to be on the run anymore. This insight follows the insight I had about moving to Sweden, that I won't find any peace if I don't find it inside of me. If it will turn out to be more practical for me to go back to the Netherlands, I will. I allow myself to do so. Still, that would be to early. I haven't even started to make something out of my life here in Finland yet....

autumn

It is still a bit getting used to but autumn is coming. I wasn't fully prepared for it, it really comes as a surprise. In the Netherlands the first signs of autumn come some time in September. Here in Finland it is already now.

At the same time autumn comes as a relief. I have the feeling I can finally go out. I don't know, somehow in summer I have the feeling that there are so many people out there. I don't like to go where all the people are. Now they are inside there houses and I can carefully start exploring the forest again. I guess it suits my contemplating character. I'm not so fond of the summer heat either, let be of mosquitoes and horse flies.... I hope they freeze to death soon! :-)

So, it won't be long before the first ladies in fur coats and leather gloves pop up again.... Although I saw a guy in wintercoat and gloves in the middle of summer, when it was + 20 degrees. Hard to beat.....

back to school

On Monday I went back to the school I used to work at to ask the rector if I could work there temporarily. ...so that I in the meanwhile can search for a job. I came at exactly the right time. The staff just had a meeting and concluded that there was one position still not filled. After a short talk it was settled that I would start the next day. ...the day school started again here in Finland.

It was a happy reunion. I was most of all happy to see 'my' kids again. ...whom I have missed....

It was quite a hard transition from basically being unemployed to working full-time, from having nothing to do (which sucks! Let me make that clear!) to working long days in this rather demanding environment. I'm working with children with ADHD.

On Thursday a boy stabbed me in the finger with a pen. Children have used violence against me before, and for me that is part of the deal, you know that it can happen, and I am usually not so much affected by it. In this case it was a serious blow. Right after the incident I was shaky and overwhelmed, that stopped at some point. But now after a few days I realize that it affected me more than I thought. I guess what really put me on edge was that the boy is a carrier of a 'highly infectious virus'. I talked to a nurse and she convinced me that the risk of infection was very little.

So, it was quite an intensive week....

phd

Ok, I just declined an OFFER to come and talk about a Phd position... Life's a bitch! It is a great opportunity and I really like the subject, but I have long ago decided that I don't -do not- want to become a researcher and I don't want to commit myself for four years to something that you cannot get off your mind before you finish it... Declining the offer does not make me less grateful. I'm grateful that I got this opportunity. I am happy that I made a choice that feels right. I feel less pathetic (read: honored) that I got this offer in the first place. Thank You!

meditation bench

We say we need to start meditating... We make ourselfs a meditation bench and start doing it...

cancer is a fungus

Could it be that simple?! ...that cancer in many cases can be succesfully treated with sodiumbicarbonate. ...baking soda.... Somehow, I wouldn't be surprised...

How do you think the multi-billion dollor/euro farmaceutical industry and the 'blessed herd' of physicians reacts to something like this?



http://www.cancerisafungus.com/

wedding tomi & reetta

Tomi and Reetta's wedding. ...was awesome! :-) A very nice wedding. Mainly because of the relaxed and natural atmosphere. I guess they wanted it to be that way. Tomi even went to fix the dry toilet during the dinner. :-D

To me the wedding was a welcome variation in my lonely existence. I got to hang out with some nice people. But it is a bit freaky that this is already the fourth couple in Maija's circle of friends that got married. The pressure is rising.... :-)

ziggy

The sad news has arrived that Ziggy, my canine friend, has passed away. Although I haven't seen him for years and I knew that he was getting old, this news came as a shock. He gave me u n c o n d i t i o n a l friendship like no other. I hold him dear. Rest in peace, my little friend!

world food crisis 2008

In solidarity with the people that suffer from the FOOD CRISIS 2008 I have decided to decrease my meat consumption. I wish to do something. Indulging myself on a resource-wasting product while 2 4 0 0 0 people starve to death each day doesn't feel right.

1 8 0 0 0 children each day every damn day ! And we stand by and watch. That makes us a very very primitive people. And we think we're so sophisticated. I think we can create a better world than this... A world with equal opportunity for everybody...

turku

Checked out wether or not Turku is a nice place to live. The city is famous for it's castle, which was beautiful but closed (???) .

bv ii

One reason why I returned so suddenly from Umeå was that I could join Maija's family on a stay in Buena Vista for a few days. Maija's brother and his girlfriend (Jaakko and Tuulia) came aswell. ...and that is a somewhat rare occasion. It was very nice to hang out with them! They turned out to be quite into Boonanza. Which made Maija a very happy girl.

It were lazy days. It is against my religion but we slept in every day. We cruized to two nearby towns and had ice cream. We had sauna every day and swam in the lake several times a day. We went to the beach in Vääksy (one of the nearby towns). And the barbecue was in use.... :-)

Finished an abandoned project [going for the eurasian pygmy owl or Syberian flying squirrel, but an ordinary sparrow will do. :-) ]







Jaakko had two hours of fun with the lawn mower

name day

I never really got the point of name days. Somebody (guess some pope) decides "We're gonna have name days", marks them on a calendar, and people start celebrating their name days. Finns go crazy over it. It is a big thing here. But, now it comes, I found out the freaky fact that my name day is on September 11............ What the f#*k?!

u m e å . . .

Yep, back in Helsinki...

It is a bit like fleeing, but hey, considering the circumstances it was the right decision. Umeå is like a ghost town in summer. And being there alone is like... being alone in a ghost town... I was staying in a little room facing a blind wall, on the back of the student union building. (Even Tommy who has been member of the student union for 6-7 years had heard about the room but never actually seen it!). No phone, no computer. A bit too much of an overdose of loneliness... Besides, it is not very handy to be looking for a job when everybody is on a holiday. Really, everybody was 'out of office'...

So, yesterday I took the ferry to Vaasa and the train to Helsinki.

It was a 'mistake' to go to Umeå at this moment, I could have known that the situation would be like this (although it was much worse than I could have imagined). Making a mistake, though, is a great opportunity to learn. I chose this, I chose to take this step whatever the outcome might be. So, I chose this experience this opportunity to grow, and I learned from it. I like to look at it in this way. I took a big step going to Umeå and I can be proud of having found the courage to do that. I was there for a few days, drew my conclusions and made a new decision based on them, and can be proud of making a difficult but wise decision.

It were a few tough days. Oh, I faced so many deep and dark feelings. Emotions I have to say. Physical expressions of thoughts, tricks of the mind. It was hard to be confronted with a panicking mind. It was like a cat climbing up the curtains in a veterinary clinic. Creepy! That is the most important reason why this experience was in fact a success: It reminded me that I have to meditate. I know that is the only way to find peace, looking for it inside. Still I allow myself to get sucked in to the drama all the time. This was emphasized by passages in Conversations with God Book 2 which I am reading. They happened to pop up at exactly the right moment. (Those things happen all the time, so that they are getting hard to ignore!)

In other ways this was a good experience. The problem with this moving to Sweden was that the decision is based on old knowledge, I hadn't been in Sweden for two years. Of course I always enjoyed being in Sweden and it hasn't been of my mind since I ever set foot on Swedish soil, but how should I know if that was still valid for me when I hadn't been there in such a long time. So, I got to taste a bit of Sweden again, of the life in Sweden.

Then I met some great friends in Umeå. I don't mean to claim their friendship, but I just experienced them like friends. Sussanne & Falko, Jocke & Karin, and Tommy were so very nice on open. That was just great. Jocke & Karin took me with them to pick cloudberries and invited me over for dinner. Jocke loaned me his guitar. Susanne & Falko offered me to live in their apartment in August. Falko imediately gave me keys to a bike when I visited them. Tommy helped me out with Jocke's guitar when I left. :-) It is just very nice to realized that there are some great people around in Umeå.

The old man on the boat... The are no buses going anymore from the ferry to Vaasa. So you have to arrange a taxi at the bar on the ferry. You can then share the taxi and the costs. I was discussing it with the staff and there was nobody to share a taxi with. The guy started suggesting that I could walk (40 minutes, 30 kg). And then al of a sudden this old guy popped up out of nowhere and said "I'll give you a ride, just come with me when we arrive". Nothing more, just that, it was settled. So beautiful, so perfectly simple. These are those moments I mean. It can hardly be a coincidence that this old man pops up at exactly the right moment on a 4-hour boat trip. And typically it was an old man.... I don't know....

seek, and you will find

I have been checking adds, calling and emailing people, . . . Of course I've ran into the usual obstacles, but people are offering me to lend me their apartments, offering me to rent me their apartments for a reduced price, contacting their contacts for me, offering to recommend me or to be a reference, allowing me to use their address as a temporary mail address, ... I am scared as hell, sure, but yesterday I chose not to identify with my fear, to enjoy this, to enjoy living my fucking dream. And when I took that step back, I realized how fortunate I am. And I look up to the sky and know Who to thank for it..... Just this whole thing of feeling grateful, of being able to feel grateful, to have all the reason to be grateful, to feel gratefulness towards these people, is just great.... Halălūyāh! :-)

flow

Maija got accepted at the university... Shit happening here.....

hel-ume

Crazy! I have -subconsciously- tried to pospone this. It was way to convenient to be here in Helsinki/Finland. But now I did it. Booked a flight to Sweden. To Umeå more precisely. I actually wanted to go to Sundsvall, but this is the easiest and most obvious thing to do. Maija has applied for courses in Umeå and we're waiting for an answer... Guus will be there... IKSU is waiting for me.... The swimming pool is waiting for me.... ICA Maxi is waiting for me.... I know some very nice people that are living there.... I know my way around.... I know the way to the barbecue places at Nydala lake....

Boyakasha!

bv

+ Sauron's legions +

Back in Hell-sinki. Spent a week in Maija´s summerhouse. A weird mix of hard work and chilling-out. It is quite a mess there, a lot of unfinished projects, piles of fire wood waiting to be processed, .... I tried to clean up some stuff and get rid of some of the piles of fire wood. It was sometimes a bit too hot for hard labor in dust and dirt. When it would get to hot, you could jump in the lake.

Chill ingredients: grilling, fire, sauna, swimming in the lake, view over the lake, books, grandpa on the veranda, doggy sniffing around, nice food, sunshine, breeze, lover, forest, birds, easy chair, guitar, chocolate, . . .